/*# sourceMappingURL=https://www.redditstatic.com/desktop2x/chunkCSS/TopicLinksContainer.3b33fc17a17cec1345d4_.css.map*/, A standard British one is "You couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery.". The gentleman walked over, sat beside her, ordered a drink, then turned to her to ask, Tell me, good-looking, do I come here often?Submitted by Bill Warren. Submitted by Craig Sharf, The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize youre not in shape for it, its too far to walk back. Making this distinction can help us make amends. "What's the the best thing about living in Switzerland? As a Russian prepares to cross the Ukrainian border, the border guard asks, Occupation?. I said 40. Can I join you? Why, am I falling apart? I replied. Hello, said the agent, Im looking for a man called Murphy., Well youre in luck, said the farmer. A labracadabrador. Theyre on the way out! Tim Vine. Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana. God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time. Robin Williams, 5. I also drink a case of whisky a week, eat fatty foods and never exercise. Thats amazing, the woman said. Luckily I was the one facing the telly. I said to her, Everything is so so white Grandma doesnt even know where the road is. She innocently replied, Grandma, its under the snow. Submitted by Bonnie Gronning, There is a lot of competition for parking at the local dental office, hence the sign: Dental office parking only. Since shes in the hospital, she gets breast implants, liposuction, a tummy tuck, hair transplants, and collagen injections in her lips. Got anything less expensive?Submitted by Rosemary Covert, Snake 1: Are we poisonous? Today I saw something that reminded me of you. 30 of the best-ever jokes about Scotland from Scotland, 64 of the funniest Seinfeld quotes to sum up everyday life I would love to insult you, but I wouldnt do as well as nature did, 50. How do you get two whales in a car? Never again. I typed Bitch into my GPS and guess what? She then reassured him by adding, Now, if you do everything Ive told you, you wont be with us for long.. .s5ap8yh1b4ZfwxvHizW3f{color:var(--newCommunityTheme-metaText);padding-top:5px}.s5ap8yh1b4ZfwxvHizW3f._19JhaP1slDQqu2XgT3vVS0{color:#ea0027} Find out the 10 things you should never say to a Canadian. 60+ Police Jokes And Puns So Funny They're Practically Illegal The odds of getting mugged once are 1 in 50. ._3-SW6hQX6gXK9G4FM74obr{display:inline-block;vertical-align:text-bottom;width:16px;height:16px;font-size:16px;line-height:16px} Our words and actions can have the impact of feeling hurtful to our partner without us having the intention of being hurtful. This isnt even real. I know, he says. Shut up with the back talk, because if I wanted lip from you, Id sit on your face L.A. Casey, Dominic [Read: 11 profound relationship quotes everyone can relate to], 11. These funny tweets about food are sure to make you smile. I am as nervous as a long tail cat in a room full of rocking chairs. My four-year-old grandson loves picking dandelions, placing them in a glass of water and presenting then to his mom. Violators will be extracted. Submitted by Helen McNair, My father-in-law, Paul, lives on a farm near Wynyard, Saskatchewan. ' Tim Vine, Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. When he gets to his hotel room, he feels the bed. Submitted by Janet Winkler, A businessman flying first class is sitting next to a parrot. I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. Without hesitation, the man replies, "Cool, which drugs are we testing?". ", "I was wondering, why does a Frisbee appear larger the closer it gets? Whats the best thing about Switzerland? What gives you the right to stereotype blondes that way? she demands. A man gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. Submitted by Faith Lackey, A: Breathe! ", "Well I'm sure everybody here already knows about Murphy's Lawbut you guysprobablydon't know about Cole's law, am I right? PostedJune 30, 2019 BBLTHRW. I asked him, Whats the word on the street?. Peterson, she begins, would you say youre honest? Honest? replies the lawyer. 4 / 20. Math teacher: If I have three bottles in one hand and two in the other hand, what do I have? on Instagram: "' Thats why this suit is only $30., Finally, the fellow bought the suit, cocked his left shoulder into the air, tucked the suits left lapel under his chin, bent his right knee, and limped out of the store toward his car. [Read: 60 creative insults to intellectually insult someone with sarcasm and leave everyone around laughing]. The blind man heads for the bathroom but accidentally enters the third door, which leads to the swimming pool, and he falls in. All of these build a cushion of positivity, warmth, and trust between partners. Do you think I look like them? He shook his head. I was at the customer-service desk, returning a pair of jeans that was too tight. These are the funniest lawyer jokes of all time. The woman responded, Shes a dentist. GCFL.net, A woman walked up to an elderly man rocking in a chair on his porch. He said, I want you to trace someone for me. lifeguard air ambulance new mexico hassan has plastic surgery hassan has plastic surgery Thesecheesy pick-up lines are are sure to get you a laugh (if not love). She made a mistake, however, when she accused her neighbour George of being an alcoholic after spotting his pickup parked in front of a bar one afternoon. Seated at the bar was a fine-looking lady of a certain age. What are similar phrases like "You couldn't kick a tire - reddit Mom: Where buy chicken Daughter: Mom, this isnt Google. [Read: How to be witty 25 ways to win everyone over with your charm]. $18.49 $ 18. Second door to the right, says the bartender. You keep out of this! she yells. Fo drizzle! Me: 2011. He immediately smells alcohol on the priests breath and notices an empty wine bottle in the car. Dont drink that, I said. Aidan on Instagram: "From killer hoco proposal, to killer hoco Q: Youre riding a horse at full speed. Sorry, Im not Adele. Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? Thanks for the compliment [Read: 20 Smart medieval insults in English that should make a comeback], 48. I live by the seaside. Ken Dodd. After a few moments, Bill says, Hurry up, Messy Bessy, we dont have all night. Jenna feels her cheeks flush and her eyes fill with tears. ' Tim Vine, I have kleptomania. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. 10 Likes, 0 Comments - (@zdragonqueen) on Instagram: "' . These funny animal pictures are sure to crack you up! They make up everything. Student: A drinking problem. Did You Know Anxiety Can Enhance Our Relationships? Sometimes, people just need to be told. These funny work cartoonswere made for sharing at the office. Whats your last wish? Well, Ive always wanted to donate a kidney.Submitted by Robert L. Jaffee, Growing up with a curious younger brother and a sharp-eared dad led to some memorable conversations as a teenager. But the right leg is way too short, argued the customer. These smartlight bulb jokes are truly illuminating. 102 Chuck Norris Jokes to Celebrate the Ultimate Badass - Men's Health So what have you done with your life? he asks the dog. What kind of exercise do lazy people do? The detective asks, Is that your husband? Yes, replies the woman. It was a long, dramatic, drawn-out way of telling us to shut-up. You know, this is my first operation. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. Submitted by C.A. Finally, after wed seen all 20 poses, he asked me which ones I was most interested in. At your age, I wouldnt touch alcohol! Detector: Beep. Mother laughs: Ha! It says, Do not feed. Without giving much thought, one man blurts out, Make the entire ocean into beer! The genie claps her hands and the entire sea turns into brew. Uncle G: How much does it cost to stay in it? How are you doing mentally and emotionally? What are you doing? Counting your ribs.Submitted by William Halliday. Thesehilarious dog punswill give youpaws. He tips the kid and then brings the newspaper to me, along with my morning coffee. I know, says the second dog owner. ", "Studies show that women who carry extra weight live longer than men who bring it up.". Crime in multi-storey car parks. I told them: I understand. Aha! Jokes > Funny Insults > You're stupid 15 ", "It's thinly sliced cabbage. Is that you?. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? Im friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. Tomac. I was in the emergency room when a young male nurse came in to ask routine medical questions. You could read it as "seriously" or as "a joke didn't walk into the . Thats when I realized he was her favourite twin. is saying I should be on Jeopardy! every time I answer a $200 clue that happens to be about one of my three interests. Laura Peek, comedian. And what sort of case was that? My father sued me for the money.Submitted by Dee Hudson. Snake 1: I just bit my lip. And, of more recent coinage, for our Iraqui readers: Couldn't organise a hanging on a gallows. He knows when to stop.Submitted by Ken Zavislik, The manager of a jewellery store nabs a shoplifter trying to steal a necklace. Just received a card full of rice. W hen you're at a loss for words but want to tell someone that he or she is stupid, remember some these quips from our collection here at Aha! He doesnt look at all dangerous to me. 25 Clever Jokes That'll Make You Sound Smart | Reader's Digest Jokes. What did the baby corn say to its mom? Is a baby covered in cream, saying, Ah! Want to turn someones frown upside down? That water is yucky!, He replied, Well, it tasted good yesterday. Tammy McKenzie, High River, Alberta, While cleaning out the garage, I found an old protest sign that read, DISARM TODAY! On the other side, it said, DAT ARM TOMORROW.Submitted by Jim Vandermaas, You know, people dont usually compliment me on my driving, so I was very pleased this morning when I saw a note on my car that said, Parking fine. That was very nice of them! I thought, thats Abba-riginal. One day, I was brushing my teeth in the restroom before a flight when a woman walked in. This is my first day driving a cab. First, lets make sure hes dead., Theres a silence, then a shot. When tea was served, the Queen removed her cup from her saucer. Local man killed by falling piano. Check out the most Canadian headlines of all time. Give me my scotch! The flight attendant rushes over with their drinks. But that's not all. And theres no better place to be than on your partners team! All rights reserved. Thats why in the Navy the Captain goes down with the ship.Dick Gregory, Father buys a lie detector that makes a loud beep whenever somebody tells a lie. (Consider yourself warned! A friend and I were enjoying a coffee in our local haunt when an acquaintance stopped at our table and said, Hi, Ken. ! Now, in addition to feeling embarrassed, Jenna also feels invalidated. Start in England and drive west. Its a talking clock, the drunk replied. You wont believe these funny classified ads actually ran! Submitted by James Hewitt, Marriage is just two people taking turns mashing the trash down in the hopes the other one folds first and empties the bin. The bartender says, Whatll you have? The skeleton says, Gimme a beer and a mop.. My New Years resolution is to get in shape. 120+ Football Jokes That Will Score You A Touchdown With Friends When the police show up, they ask him what happened. 50 of the best lines from Peep Show You do you! In other words, how many chicken does it take to change a light bulb? Says the chicken, Sorry, but thats the subject of another joke.Submitted by Gary Johnston. Does that mean I get to keep the money?Submitted by Lawrence Adelson, Two guys are out drinking when one of them falls off his bar stool and lies motionless on the floor. He thinks for a second before saying, Food bad., Its the big day, a decade later. So I had to put my foot down. 31 Best Man speech jokes that will work for any wedding $10 fine. Get to know these funny jokes for National Tell a Joke Day! Whats the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? Why would you post that sign? Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him.Submitted by L.B. None, I replied. Whats that big brass gong for? asked the friend. The bug grabbed Norm by the collar, punched him in the eye, threw him across the living room and then ran off. Couldn't hit the broad side of a barn if he were standing inside. Then she called, Here, kittySubmitted by Khalid Khan. The Hepatitis Bee. Milton Jones, Hedgehogs why cant they just share the hedge? Dan Antolpolski, The pollen count, now thats a difficult job. Hard to tell if people are interested in joining my Sarcastic Club or not Milton Jones, What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present? Thats exactly the effect you want to have! Is that the dog were supposed to be aware of? he asks the owner. Now, congratulate yourself by all means but do it silently. Never trust atoms. I looked at him, puzzled, and said, But, sir, its raining! He replied, Then take an umbrella and water the plants. Submitted by Nilesh Patel, At the local hospitals emergency room, the nurse joked, as she fitted me with an ID wristband, Youve been bar-coded! I, being 72, added, Long past the best-before date. Submitted by Colin Campbell, If you understand English, press 1. Oh look, just put me down for five.Submitted by Kerrie Pont, The prosecutor was relentless as he badgered the witness: What did the accused do when he learned the jewellery was stolen? He did what any honest man would do, said the witness. ' . One day I nearly choked on part of The Sunday Times. Milton Jones. Just cock your left shoulder up a little, like this, and tuck this left lapel under your chin a bit, like this.. I never knew my real ladder. What does hair colour have to do with my worth as a human being?. Youre it! That night, Adam was fast asleep when he was awoken by Eve poking him in the chest. This is your great-grandma and great grandpa, I told my grandson as I handed him a photo of my parents. They have seemingly never tried to keep a dozen people quiet while planning a surprise party. Jennifer Wright, author, I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner. Diddly-squats. New to Amazon. Weinstein, Last night I was walking home and took a shortcut through the cemetery. Some days you eat salads and go to the gym. Is it true, she wanted to know, that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life? Yes, Im afraid so, said the doctor. @keyframes _1tIZttmhLdrIGrB-6VvZcT{0%{opacity:0}to{opacity:1}}._3uK2I0hi3JFTKnMUFHD2Pd,.HQ2VJViRjokXpRbJzPvvc{--infoTextTooltip-overflow-left:0px;font-size:12px;font-weight:500;line-height:16px;padding:3px 9px;position:absolute;border-radius:4px;margin-top:-6px;background:#000;color:#fff;animation:_1tIZttmhLdrIGrB-6VvZcT .5s step-end;z-index:100;white-space:pre-wrap}._3uK2I0hi3JFTKnMUFHD2Pd:after,.HQ2VJViRjokXpRbJzPvvc:after{content:"";position:absolute;top:100%;left:calc(50% - 4px - var(--infoTextTooltip-overflow-left));width:0;height:0;border-top:3px solid #000;border-left:4px solid transparent;border-right:4px solid transparent}._3uK2I0hi3JFTKnMUFHD2Pd{margin-top:6px}._3uK2I0hi3JFTKnMUFHD2Pd:after{border-bottom:3px solid #000;border-top:none;bottom:100%;top:auto} "A man is at the funeral of an old friend. When the Tooth fairy comes to your house she takes your tooth and gives you money. Yes, I said. Theseclever jokescould make anyone sound smart! I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. I cant, says the poodle. He was a great vet. ", "I don't know, but the flag's a big plus. Me: Yes. These hilarious tweets are guaranteed to make you grin! The 2 Most Psychologically Incisive Films of 2022, The Surprising Role of Empathy in Traumatic Bonding. Wow these drinks are big!, The bartender replies, Everything is big in Texas.. Ill ask your sister. I steal food from humans. ", "If I agreed with you, then we'd both be wrong. He never did any of that!, I tried having my mothers phone disconnected, but customer service told me that since the account was in my dads name, hed have to be the one to put in the request. You know, says the crook, this is more than I wanted to spend. We dont serve your type! shouts the barman. 31 Best Man speech jokes that will work for any wedding, 28 Star Wars jokes that will make you laugh (and cringe), 41 of Bill Baileys most gleefully funny jokes and one-liners, 25 hilarious dad jokes youve probably never heard before, 100 of the best clean jokes and one-liners, 25 of Peter Kays most ingenious jokes and one-liners, 26 of Stewart Lees most gloriously acerbic jokes, 17 of Ken Dodds most ingeniously funny jokes, 27 of Sarah Millicans laugh out loud jokes, 50 of Jimmy Carrs funniest jokes and one-liners, 50 of Milton Joness most ingenious jokes and one-liners, 50 of Tim Vines most ingenious jokes and one-liners, 50 of Frankie Boyles funniest (and darkest) jokes, 25 of Charlie Brookers most cutting jokes and insults, 25 of Lee Macks wittiest jokes and one-liners, 75 of Billy Connollys best jokes, one-liners and quips, 30 of the best-ever jokes about Scotland from Scotland, 64 of the funniest Seinfeld quotes to sum up everyday life, 50 of Terry Wogan and Graham Nortons most scathing Eurovision quotes, 27 brilliantly funny quotes from This Country, 50 of the funniest (and most puerile) quotes from The Inbetweeners, 20 of the most absurdly funny quotes from Nathan Barley, 39 of the greatest Brass Eye and Day Today quotes, 25 of the most outrageous Summer Heights High quotes, 25 of the funniest ever Still Game quotes, Red Dwarf: 30 of the funniest quotes and one-liners, Derry Girls: 35 of the funniest quotes and one-liners, 25 of the most cantankerous Martin Crane quotes from Frasier, 25 of the most textbook Alan Partridge quotes, 20 of The Young Ones most gloriously silly quotes, 20 of Malcolm Tuckers most cutting insults, 25 of the greatest Absolutely Fabulous quotes, darling, The 20 most nonsensical quotes from the W1A team, 50 of the funniest Friends quotes and jokes, When spring 2023 starts in the UK and why there are different ways of calculating the first day, Ken Bruce's final show reminded us he doesn't just talk to everyone, he listens to them, too, Who hates my naked protests most? The day shes discharged, she exits the hospital with a swagger, crosses the street, and is immediately hit by an ambulance and killed. Have trouble making it to the punchline? Submitted by Barthelemy Petro. As they are walking out of the restaurant, Jenna starts to rifle through her purse to find her keys. A man is on trial for armed robbery. The first little boy says, Ill have some @#$%^& pancakes., The mother angrily sends him to his room for cursing. The odds of getting mugged twice are 1 in 2,500. Everyone loves a smartass, whether they want to admit it or not. As it happens, theres a village right over the hill where a butcher is called Murphy, the baker is named Murphy, and three widows are called Murphy. Well, theyre not laughing now. Keep these funny holiday jokes in mind for your next party! Ive been so upset, Ive lost 20 pounds. If its that bad, why dont you just leave him? asks the other friend. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, Psychology and the Mystery of the "Poisoned" Schoolgirls. And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home., The guy is flabbergasted. 5. 25 of Spike Milligans greatest gags The first one is on the house. Tim Vine. Since Margaret was gone several minutes, she felt the need to explain her absence to me: My friend and I arent able to spend much time together anymore because she is more decapitated than I am. Submitted by Vicki Alum, At a job review, my boss told me this year the company would compensate for inflation but that additional raises would be considered on a case-by-case basis. The paramedic says, Are you comfortable?. 200 Short Jokes That Will Have You Laughing Your Socks Off - Parade Dont miss this roundup of Alex Trebeks most memorable Jeopardy! He knows I have poor eyesight, so Hes fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! Professor of Logic Merch: https://www.redbubble.com/people/robtzn/shop?asc=uFollow on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sparkleforesst 16. I choose round. Sarah Millican, My wife its difficult to say what she does. Theres no menu, you only get what you deserve. Soccer is one of the most played sports in America. He bit himself. What do you call a fake noodle? Check out the funniest comedies on Netflix Canada right now. Here, boy, he replies. I have been working as a couples therapist for 20 years, and I know how many fights begin because someone cant take a joke.. I dont know what he laced them with, but Ive been tripping all day. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as hes dialing, his four-year-old son comes up and says, Daddy! Submitted by Sai Gautam, Me: Im going to go skydiving for my 40th birthday. Teasing in and of itself is not always negativein fact, in many circumstances, it is wonderful. I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. Why do we tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast. She has published three web humor books and six calendars, including You Had One Job! In addition to the 70 jokes below, we've also got dad jokes , jokes for kiddos , mom jokes , and jokes for holidays that you can share them with the youngest person in the room. No pun in 10 did. He told me to stop going there. Look officer, Im not being a smartass. Its called balance., 3. Men are like Blackberries. Good news, he said. Id like to lose another 15 pounds first.Submitted by Mary Buoye, Walking along the beach, a man finds a bottle. Aye matey.. ", "Because if they fell forwards they'd still be in the boat. Eight dollars, I answered. Im in your driveway., 47. The best way to make a serious impact with a smartass quote is to deliver it, turn on your heel, and walk away. A priest is driving along a country road when a trooper pulls him over. What can I do?, The operator says, Calm down. Shave my head.Submitted by Abdulmajeed Mamudu, Two criminals are taking a walk deep in the woods one dark night. So we stopped playing chess. Matt Kirshen. 15. Whats your secret for a long, happy life? I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day, he said. Later, they order an other round. Listen, the crook says, you dont want any trouble, and neither do I. There are no fish under the ice! He ignores it and moves to another area, cuts a hole, and tosses his line in. Submitted by Terry Sangster. I told my friend 10 jokes to get him to laugh. Years back, a group of hunters from the United States came up to shoot some birds. I think my friend is dead! he yells. Why cant you explain puns to kleptomaniacs? But instead of wrinkling his nose in disgust, the optimist climbed to the top of the pile, and began gleefully digging out scoop after scoop with his bare hands. Thats my twin sister. This isnt my child. GCFL.net, A skeleton walks into a bar. This is my step ladder. Press J to jump to the feed. These jokes are a fantastic selection of humorous jokes about football that are clean and entertaining. This is one of the times in life when you should keep a straight face. Someone on the other side of the wall screamed, Hey, you jerk! He tells the priest that on Friday night, hed been in the bar when he met a young woman. 78. ._1x9diBHPBP-hL1JiwUwJ5J{font-size:14px;font-weight:500;line-height:18px;color:#ff585b;padding-left:3px;padding-right:24px}._2B0OHMLKb9TXNdd9g5Ere-,._1xKxnscCn2PjBiXhorZef4{height:16px;padding-right:4px;vertical-align:top}.icon._1LLqoNXrOsaIkMtOuTBmO5{height:20px;vertical-align:middle;padding-right:8px}.QB2Yrr8uihZVRhvwrKuMS{height:18px;padding-right:8px;vertical-align:top}._3w_KK8BUvCMkCPWZVsZQn0{font-size:14px;font-weight:500;line-height:18px;color:var(--newCommunityTheme-actionIcon)}._3w_KK8BUvCMkCPWZVsZQn0 ._1LLqoNXrOsaIkMtOuTBmO5,._3w_KK8BUvCMkCPWZVsZQn0 ._2B0OHMLKb9TXNdd9g5Ere-,._3w_KK8BUvCMkCPWZVsZQn0 ._1xKxnscCn2PjBiXhorZef4,._3w_KK8BUvCMkCPWZVsZQn0 .QB2Yrr8uihZVRhvwrKuMS{fill:var(--newCommunityTheme-actionIcon)} A car hit an elderly man. Im going back to living my fabulous life before you interrupted it to remind me that there are still assholes in this world., 20. It will be a low key funeral. The best of thymes, the worst of thymes. Father asks him, So, you were at school today, right? Son: Yeah. Detector: Beep. Son: OK, OK, I was at the movies. Detector: Beep. Son: Alright, I went for a beer with my friends. Father: What?! Between you and me, something smells. ' Tim Vine, This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. You didnt look to your right, yelled the frightened inspector. If you have ever been offended by someone with nothing but a gaping mouth and a figurative puff of smoke as a response, you know how tragic a lack of a comeback can feel. That night I went to a church meeting and the speaker told us about his humanitarian work. Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards? Ever wondered how why did the chicken cross the road became a thing? What are you complaining about? he fires back. Do you want to get a drink? I heard you the first time! says a small, irritated voice. Preparing to challenge the prof, I stood up and stopped flipping through my assignment. Hours go by and nobody sees the head monk. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor. She seemed surprised. Submitted by Mark Flowerdew, Fresh out of gift ideas, a man buys his mother-in-law a large plot in an expensive cemetery. Jim was invited to Buckingham Palace. 3. No, it doesnt. Yes, it does. Daddy! A: Lavion rose. There was a moment of silence before the woman replied, Im wondering, then, just how serious my condition is, because this prescription is marked No Refills.Submitted by Roy Warner, An elderly gentleman walked into an upscale cocktail lounge. Well, the hut one on the left is where I live, says the man. Its that love/hate thing that means you cant stand them on one hand, but you find them hilarious on the other. moments. But wait till I take him out of the bowl.Submitted by Nancy Send, An old farmer is inconsolable after his dog goes missing. How old are you? Thirty-six.Submitted by Melissa Steginus, The other day I was thinking, I must be the most unobservant person in the world. Then I thought, Well, maybe other people are equally unobservant and I just havent noticed before.Submitted by D. Norris, I love that TV show with all the different video clips of things going disastrously wrong. Jenna and Bill are finishing up a dinner date. An impasta. For more groan-worthy humour, find out what would happen if the person who named walkie-talkies named everything. Red Dwarf: 30 of the funniest quotes and one-liners His instructions were to walk around town using a code phrase until he met his fellow agent. How will you escape this highly dangerous situation? Submitted by Ken MacKay. He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held in a locked vault. 39 of the greatest Brass Eye and Day Today quotes 25 of Charlie Brookers most cutting jokes and insults Theyre making headlines. Submitted by Dan Upham, I have always been a disappointment. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing. After a few minutes, the bird yells, Wheres my scotch? Darlin.You're hotter than donut grease at a fat man convention. Gets jalapeo business! Want more of the best Readers Digest jokes of all time? Hes now a seasoned veteran. 73. Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister.". You couldnt beat a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest. I remember the day I earned my first dollar, he said. Most of us aren't stand-up comedians, and we don't walk around with a full repertoire of funny jokes to share at parties. All of a sudden, he hears a voice. You'll walk away feeling victorious! Why did the orthopedic doctor always put hats on the knees of his patients? atlantic beach zoning map; torvill and dean routines list; sync only some activity types from garmin to strava I found them. Youre being chased by a lion and theres a giraffe in the way in front of you. These breads puns will come in handy the next time you feel like loafing around. 50 of Jimmy Carrs funniest jokes and one-liners 25 of the most cantankerous Martin Crane quotes from Frasier